Yo dont text me then not text me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I AM VODKA MAN
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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