I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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