Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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