I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
