Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
