I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
