There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
