Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
