if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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