Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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