My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
did you just send me my own nude
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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