How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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