Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
