Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
