Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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