OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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