Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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