shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
