dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
