Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
