Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
