i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
