1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
