New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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