So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
