well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize