you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
