don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
