I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
