wakey wakey hands off snakey
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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