he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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