She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
