i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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