You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
