Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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