Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
