Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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