I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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