last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
