dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
