But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
