so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
