So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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