She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
