I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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