I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
