And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
