Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
