it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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