Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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