He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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