im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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