Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
