So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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