i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Randomize
