i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So much rum. So many feels.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
