I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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