My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
