I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
