I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
