I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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