I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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