Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
