Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
