The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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