So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
