No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
