Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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