went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
cat food counts as protein by the way
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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