so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
