what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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