Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
this hospital has no fireball
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
