I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
