At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
