fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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