Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
