I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
