They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
