You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
